Permanent
by loveisasong
Summary: Scenes based on the song "Permanent" by David Cook. Killian wants Emma to know she's not alone. Takes place roughly between episodes 2x22 and 3x17, with a little bit far in the future.


Based on the song _Permanent_ by David Cook

Disclaimer: I don't own anything OUAT or the lyrics

Permanent

This all started very long ago. More than two or three centuries. Killian couldn't help but reflect on his time spent with Baelfire on the Jolly Roger, how close a bond he had formed with him, loved him as if he were his own, simply because he was Milah's son. As soon as he had surrendered Baelfire to the Lost Boys, he immediately regretted his decision. Thinking back on it now, he even regretted attempting to kill the crocodile because he was the boy's father. Well, he wasn't a boy anymore. He was a man attempting to win back the heart of Emma Swan, the woman Killian so desperately loved.

After returning to Storybrooke with Emma and Henry from New York, Killian knew Emma wouldn't be in any emotional state to think about anyone romantically, considering what had happened with Walsh, and given that she and Neal had left on uncertain terms. Neal was still missing. Sent on a search party for the Wicked Witch with Emma, he silently wondered if she would ever consider a romantic relationship between them, even if they found Neal. He knew it was all too complicated for her to think about right now.

* * *

><p>They had finally found Neal, wandering around in the woods. Lord only knows how he got there and where he came from, not to mention why he didn't remember any of that himself. After being admitted to the hospital, Emma went back out to search for Rumpelstiltskin. Killian could tell Neal didn't want to stay in bed while Emma was out looking for his father.<p>

"I should be out there looking for him, to make things right," Neal said, while ripping out the needle in his arm, walking towards the exit. "With him and my son." Killian was still in his way.

Suddenly, he wrapped his good arm around Neal. "This is long overdue." Killian released his grip, and with a sincere look in his eyes, confessed, "Beneath in all, you're still that boy I looked after all those years ago."

"Yeah, I haven't forgotten." He hesitates a moment, then declares, "I need to do this, Killian. You know that, right?"

Killian pondered this for a moment, then warned him, "You have ten minutes, then I'll let the others know you've gone." Killian couldn't deny him this, the chance to save his father and possibly make peace with him. After all, Killian had been abandoned by his own father, and lost his brother. He would give anything to be able to see Liam again.

That was the last time Killian saw Neal.

* * *

><p><em>Is this the moment where I look you in the eye? <em>

_Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry. _

_And everything, it will surely change, even when if I tell you I won't go away today._

_Will you think that you're all alone when no one's there to hold your hand?_

_And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head._

_I'm permanent._

This was one of the hardest days Killian had been through since he traded the Jolly Roger for the magic bean. They were all standing around the grave, all silent, having no words to console the hurt and sorrow. It was probably best no one said anything anyway, because Henry still didn't have his memories back.

Killian had such anguish in his eyes. This had been the first person close to him who had died since Milah. He was close like a brother, like a son. Since Rumpelstiltskin was still being detained by the Wicked Witch, Killian decided to stand in his place and put in the first shovel of dirt into the grave to bid his friend farewell. Everyone else, including Regina and Henry, put in their shovel-full of dirt. When it was Emma's turn, he thought he saw her grip her key chain necklace that Neal had given her. It hurt that he couldn't reach out and comfort her, to embrace her in his arms, or even just to hold her hand, to simply let her know she didn't have to go through this alone. He wouldn't tell anyone, but during the service, a tear managed to slip down his cheek.

After it was over, everyone went back to Granny's. Killian couldn't help but notice Emma viciously hurling darts at the bullseye, still managing to have impeccable aim. He knew that she was hurting, but anger wasn't the way to deal with it. He would know, after centuries of trying to avenge Milah and never feeling satisfied. Still, Killian would give anything for her to just rest her head on his shoulder for comfort, but that was too much to hope for in this moment.

Henry still didn't know the full story about his father, nor would he until he got his memories back. He knew Emma couldn't say anything about Neal since she had met him again. However, Killian offered to talk to the boy about his father when he was the lad's age. "It could help the boy make peace with his father's passing. And me," he whispered, with a soft chuckle and a slight smile. He didn't want to, in any way, try to replace Neal in Henry's life, but now that the boy was without a father, he figured that he was the closest connection to Neal that Henry had.

Killian saw Emma's eyes soften before she warned him, "Be careful. Zelena's still out there."

"I assure you, nothing will happen to the boy while he's in my charge," he told her with confidence. Killian knew Henry didn't remember the bond they had, but he loved the boy as he had loved Baelfire, like a son of his own.

* * *

><p><em>I know he's living in hell every single day.<em>

_And so I ask, "Oh god, is this a way for me to take his place?"_

As the two of them headed down to the docks, Henry said, "My mom always seems to pawn me off to her friends that have boats when she's working on a case." Killian pondered that for a minute, wondering if that was some false memory Regina had given them, or if something about him stayed with Emma while she was in New York. He would like to think the latter, but it seemed unlikely.

"Well, your mother didn't pawn you off, I wanted to bring you here. Believe it or not, your father and I were mates long before I met your mother." Henry just didn't know how long that really was.

Killian taught Henry all the sailing terms and knots, just has he did with Baelfire. He waited until all the stars could be seen clearly before bringing out the sextant to study the stars.  
>Bae… Neal… was just a boy when I taught him."<p>

"Wait, weren't you and my dad the same age?" Henry exclaimed in confusion. "The more you guys tell me about my dad, the less things make sense. I just want to hear something about him that doesn't sound made up so I'll like the guy. How am I supposed to feel anything about him being gone if I don't know anything about him while he was here?"

Killian knew he had to tread water very carefully during this conversation. "Fair enough, mate. I taught your father how to sail because he just lost his father. I thought the sea might ease his sorrows." He could see parallels between himself, Henry, and Baelfire, all losing their fathers at a young age. "You might not know a lot about your father, but you have a lot more in common with him than you realize." Henry gave Killian a small smile, then looked toward the sky. Killian missed Bae so much, and only hoped that he could be Henry a sense of a father figure in that moment.

* * *

><p><em>And when they say there's no touch and go, I wish I could make it go away.<em>

"Thanks, Killian. Maybe we can go out on your boat again sometime." This warmed his heart to see that Henry had a good time and formed a bond with him in that small amount of time. Killian had felt like he was reliving the past that day.

"Thanks for taking him," Emma said, grateful, but also, thoroughly exhausted from the day's battle with the Wicked Witch.

"There's more Bae in your boy than you realize. He needs to know about his father, Emma. You can't just take him back to New York when this is over and pretend that none of this is real," he pleaded, trying to convince her to stay, not just for her's and Henry's sakes, but for his. He knows it's selfish, but he already had to go a year without her. It was unfathomable to think he could do it again. If she did go back to New York, he didn't even know how long it would be. Killian knew one thing for sure, he wouldn't let her go without a fight.

"Thanks, again," Emma whispered, abruptly cutting the conversation short. He watched her go back into her room at Granny's, lingering in the hallway for another moment. Emma had been through so much, had been alone most of her life, which had left permanent scars. He suspected this was the reason she still wanted to go back to New York.

As Killian drifted back into his room, his heart reached out to Emma. He had been through similar situations, and he wanted her to know that she was not alone now. While everything in her life before Storybrooke had been temporary, including all her foster homes and her relationship with Neal, (hell, he could even include Walsh in that category) he wanted to let her know that he was in this for the long haul, that he wanted to be permanent in her life.

* * *

><p>They had been together three years when he decided to finally propose. It took Killian a long time to decide which ring to buy. "Will she like it, will she even want to marry me?" he asked Henry, who was now sixteen years of age. "I'm such a damaged man. I could never deserve someone as wonderful as your mother," he muttered, his voice quaking with worry and self-doubt.<p>

"Don't be ridiculous! You may have a dark and damaged past, but you've come a long way since then. You love my mom, even with all her flaws and scars. Don't you think she feels the same way about you?" Henry responded with confidence. "And don't worry, any ring you get, she will love!"

"Thank you, my boy! I suppose you're right." Killian responded, his worry lessened slightly.

"No problem! After all, what is a best man and future stepson for anyway?" Henry said with a smirk on his face.

* * *

><p><em>Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?<em>

_Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry._

As they stood at the end of the aisle, Emma couldn't help but beam at Killian, thinking about their future together. They both decided to write their own vows, a statement of their love and promises to one another.

"Killian, you have always been there for me, loved me, despite all of my scars. Even when I pushed you away, you were always there for me, when no one else was. You are the one who taught me to open up to others. You are always there to give me a confidence boost when I need it. I think I always knew you loved me, but it didn't really hit me until you told me you gave up your ship to find me, the one thing you called home and connected you to Liam. I love you, Killian Jones, your devotion to me, your tenderness, and your selflessness. I love you despite your flaws. I know problems will arise in both our marriage and in the town, but I vow to work through them together as a team, no matter what may come our way." Emma looked at Killian with a yearning to be close to him, such light in her eyes.

"Emma, my love, I know we both have our scars, and that is part of what connects us. When I first met you, I was a broken, selfish man, seeking only revenge. I was filled with hatred. You brought out the light in me, the man I was when I still had Liam. How I wish he could be here today. You are the most wonderful woman, Emma. Liam would have loved you. I know I have done horrible things in the past, but you make me want to be a better man. We are the best versions of ourselves when we are together. Through our relationship, I have realized that home isn't a place, it's a person. There is no where I would rather be than with you, Emma, always be your side, whether it's watching Netflix together or fighting off the next monster that comes into town. You are the home for my heart, the light of my life. Until you found your parents, no one stayed by your side. You never had a shoulder to cry on, no one to dry your tears. I vow to be the person you can come to with anything. I vow to support you in your decisions, or just to be a hand to hold when you need it. I love you, Emma, and I will be with you permanently."

Killian's voice was shaking through his vows. Towards the end, he let a tear slip down his face, Emma's hand reaching up to rub his scarred cheek with her left thumb.

"The rings, if you please?" Doctor Hopper requested, and Henry dug out the rings from his pocket. They had chosen rings that had knots engraved on the bands, showing that they are knotted together forever. Killian's ring when on his hook, since he already had a ring on his right ring finger. Besides, the hook was a part of him, and Emma loved him for it.

Killian brought out something from his pocket, a piece of rope. As Doctor Hopper was pronouncing them husband and wife, they created a figure eight knot, which looks like an infinity symbol. "You may kiss the bride." As soon as she heard those words, Emma grabbed the rope, looped it around Killian's neck, and pulled his face down to capture her lips. Everyone was clapping and cheering, but neither one could hear it. They were focused on each other as they walked back up the aisle, hand in hand, beaming at each other. This was the beginning of their forever.


End file.
